Mind Games Archives | Life Puzzle

80% of People Do This Without Realising What They Are Doing

People frequently come up to me after hearing me present this talk at seminars and say something like, “I love your message, but I can’t even find all the clustered beliefs that are tying me up in knots and stopping me from achieving my potential! What can I do?”

The question is triggered by their realisation that, like the majority of the population, circumstances and life experience have built up unconscious patterns that are sabotaging their success.

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

Wendy, one of my clients had a problem with procrastination. She’s amazingly skilled at her core proficiency, and has deep skill in other areas as well, yet she’s constantly finishing things up at the last minute and racing the clock to fulfil her commitments. This isn’t great for her reputation, her health, or her own self-image.

Wendy had tried every productivity hack on the planet as far as I could tell, and every defeat dug the seeds of doubt and procrastination more deeply into her mind because they entrenched her belief about what she could and (mostly) what she couldn’t change or do. It was a classic case of “one step forward, two steps back” with the added twist that every one of these steps back gave her unconscious mind more ammunition to use against her.

Awareness is NOT Enough!

Even when Wendy realised what she was doing and the cost she was paying for it very little changed. As she said, “The power of my past is just too strong for me. Something happens, and before I know it the flow of habit sweeps me into that same sequence of self-sabotage. It’s not evil, or cruel, or morally outrageous, but it’s incredibly destructive… and I can’t beat it!”

BUT… There is a Solution!

On a Profitable Business Accelerator (PBA) live call a couple of months ago, we used a simple process to help each of our participants (including Wendy) let go of the clusters of beliefs and behaviours that were no longer serving them.

This is How it all Starts…

An interaction doesn’t turn out the way you want it to… you lose a sale, break up with a lover, argue with a friend, are disappointed by your kids, break your mum’s favourite vase etc.
Your itty-bitt-shitty committee tells you… what a bad person you are, how you always mess things up and fail, that you’re selfish, that you’ll never succeed in life, and your kids will end up a mess etc.
A similar situation rolls around… and your itty-bitt-shitty committee leaps into action reminding you of all your past failures, horrible outcomes, and what a bad person you are;
You follow the prompts made by your unconscious mind… and history repeats itself. Again, and again, and again, each time reinforcing your internal chatter and your external behaviour.

This pattern is developed early in life and your reactions are strongly influenced by the expectations and responses of people around you in early childhood. It can be reversed, but the usual way of doing so is one incident at a time: a slow painstaking process, that unfortunately is rarely effective because you deal with a couple of situations, but there are always new ones popping up and reinforcing the old patterns before they are obliterated.

The process we use is like peeling velcro apart: it rips all the hooks and claws apart in a few minutes so that you are ready for a fresh start the next time a similar situation emerges and can choose your behaviour freely. It sounds brutal, but it’s incredibly freeing.

As you know, I’m all about empowering my clients and facilitating their success. Nothing worthwhile comes without work, but if you can get your Unconscious Mind supporting you in the background (rather than sabotaging your efforts), then suddenly your work becomes easier and your results are more satisfactory.

If you’ve done your NLP Practitioner or Master Practitioner Certification with LifePuzzle you’ve already experienced the energising power of this process.

A Quick Self-Evaluation:

What patterns of behaviour are you are running that aren’t serving you?

Stop looking at them as individual incidents and notice how they cluster together.

When your itty-bitt-shitty committee starts whispering negative thoughts in your ear, ask yourself:

What is this particular situation or behaviour an example of? and
What can I learn from this situation or behaviour?

Once you spot connections and identify the clusters of similar behaviours you’ll be able to dissolve them all using Time Line Therapy® and create the future you really want.

It’s not about technique!

When YOU set goals, what happens?

If you said, “Not much,” you’re in good company and you probably don’t think goals have played much of a role in your success.

I’m not going to talk about the process of setting goals here, instead I’m going to talk about how you can use your unconscious mind to keep you on track and help you achieve your goals. more easily and effectively

I talk to a lot of people who say, “Goal setting doesn’t work for me, Chandell, but I still get plenty done.” Usually, that’s true, but then when we start to talk it’s clear that while they may not have followed a formal goal-setting process, the ones who are kicking goals and shaping their lives have a vision of how they want things to be, and have made significant decisions about what they want to be, do, or have and then set out to act in ways that would lead to that outcome. That’s goal setting!

But here’s the thing… Like most outcomes there are faster and slower ways of getting from A to B. I always like to find the fastest, best, and easiest way to achieve my outcomes and what follows is an outline of a goal-setting method that ticks all those boxes for myself and my clients.

What is Goal Setting?

Goal setting is all about deciding what you want, why you want it, and what achieving that thing will do for you. Whether you do this process formally or informally it is behind all your accomplishments.

When you decide that you do (or do not) want something, your unconscious mind sets to work behind the scenes to turn that decision into a self-fulfilling prophecy and the clearer and stronger your vision of the outcome is, the more effectively your unconscious mind can do this.

Goal Getting

Once you’ve set your goals … and yes, choosing not to achieve anything is also a goal … your conscious mind sets to work to make those goals come to fruition.

Have you noticed how much less distractible you are when you have an important or appealing project to work on? You may not have written down all the steps you need to take, but your mind is creating momentum without any overt effort on your part. You might wake up in the morning with a new idea, or find that it comes to you while you’re taking a walk, then, when you sit down to work on it everything falls into place.

That’s because your unconscious mind is propelling you towards that goal. Thus, even when your conscious mind is toying with the idea of watching TV or playing another level of your favourite video game your unconscious mind keeps offering you the choice to act differently.

One of the things that often stops people from reaching their goals is the amount of willpower and deliberate effort it takes to stay focused. When you harness your unconscious mind and give it clear instructions about what you are trying to achieve then you take that pressure off your conscious mind. This frees up your energy to actually do the work required to reach that goal, so it’s a really powerful tool for achieving goals.

The Importance of Visualising Your Outcome

If you really can’t visualise yourself achieving your goal, then you probably should ask whether you can achieve it. The clear picture mental of yourself achieving your goal gives your unconscious mind all the momentum it needs to carry you forward to success.

In my experience, people who can’t get a clear picture of themselves achieving the goal often have unconscious reservations about their ability to do so. That’s important information, because once you realise what is happening inside your head, you can change your beliefs and your behaviours.

“That which was unconscious, when made conscious ceases to exist.”
Carl Jung

The limiting beliefs and negative emotions that hinder our goal-setting can only be removed when we become aware of them. Often they are hidden beneath years of habit and thinking patterns that are so engrained that we don’t even notice the little voice that pops up and says…”Ooh, you’re not good at that!” or, “That’s risky!” or… “If you do that, you’ll lose the love of your life!” But, we hear it… and it rules our behaviour without our noticing.

However, you have a choice…

Once you’ve given your unconscious mind a vivid picture of where you want to be, you can work through the milestones you need to achieve those goals and your unconscious mind will support you through all the decisions and action you need to make along the way instead of sabotaging your intentions by tempting you to indulge in “just one more episode of “Big Bang Theory”.

When I was writing my book, “Confident Closing: sales secrets that grew a business by 400% in six month and how they can work for you,” my final goal was to hold that book in my hand and be able to say, “I’ve done it!” Early in the process I created a mock-up of the cover so that I could focus my unconscious mind on what the finished product would look like. Although many things change in the process (including the cover and title) while I was writing it I had a picture in my mind of me holding the finished book.

Along the way there were many milestones:-

Write the book;
Edit the book;
Design the cover, illustrations, & internal layout;
Organise printing, ISBN, etc.

At every stage, I had a clear picture in my mind, and I was feeding that in the background to my unconscious mind so that I stayed focused and kept moving forward. I still had to make decisions, and put in the effort, but my unconscious mind kept prodding me into action.

The Importance of Visualising Your Outcome

When you program your unconscious mind properly it does most of the work, but you can give it some help.

This is where physical prompts like lists, posters, vision boards, and white boards come in. My computer desktop, iPad, and phone usually contain visual prompts to keep my primary goals top of mind. That way, every time I open a device it focuses my intentions both consciously and unconsciously on the goals I’m working towards rather than distracting me.

Here's a Quick Exercise...

Do you have a clear visualisation of what you want to accomplish today and this week? Here’s how to harness the power of your unconscious mind to achieve it more easily.

First set a goal for this week: maybe the next stage of a big project;
Shut your eyes and visualise that project or stage completed – what’s the last step that when completed you know you can check it off? Get a really clear picture of that final step.
Now break that into smaller tasks or milestones. They will be among the smaller tasks you will do each day.
Now let’s get back to today: think of your very next task;
Shut your eyes and visualise that task completed – what’s the last step that when completed you know you can check it off? Get a really clear picture.
Now open your eyes and get to work. Pay attention to how your focus changes and how many more things you actually complete.

…why perfection is the enemy of progress.

Are you in the middle of a project that seems to keep expanding and growing no matter how much time you spend on it?

I always used to get stuck with this kind of mentality. It stopped me from:

Attending events because I didn’t have all the materials I might need;
Following up on networking opportunities and contacts;
Finishing my brochures, book, and other resources;
Publishing programs and courses that would help others;
Updating my website… etc.

I lost count of the opportunities I missed because of my striving for perfection, which was often a fear of judgement.

Finally, one of my mentors took me aside and said,

“Chandell, how many more times are you going to let the boat sail without you? Your first draft is better than no draft and done is better than perfect.”

He then went through my list of projects I’d been working on for more than 2 months and asked me how close to finished they were.

My responses were honest but basically added up to: ‘almost ready to…’ or ‘just waiting for…’ or ‘I still need to…’ and then he called me on it: “What would it take to finish this?” By the end of the following week I had:

Published my book;
Launched a new website;
Enrolled 80 people in 3 new programs;
Finished my speakers’ kit and sent out copies to interested prospects;
Followed up on 13 hot prospects and enrolled 11 in coaching programs;
Doubled my monthly income;

Not only did I have a sense of accomplishment, the momentum and energy generated by all those finished projects was enormous.

Was I 100% happy with them all?

No, but I was overjoyed at the results of my actions and nobody complained about the quality. In fact, most of them were signing up for the next program and the one after that.

So, let me ask you… are you sick of looking at boats sailing without you?

When would NOW be a good time to…

to… send your 1st draft to an editor/ reader;
to… publish your website;
to… follow up contacts even if you don’t have all your materials perfect;
to… launch your challenge, program, course;
to… reach out and ask about that speaking opportunity;

Decide TODAY that you’re going to sign off on that project and not wait any longer to perfect it because perfection is the enemy of progress.

“When would now be a good time?”

P.S. In the Profitable Business Accelerator Program we look more deeply into why you are seeking perfection and how to get things moving forward so you develop the habit of grasping opportunity rather than missing the boat. If your business isn’t delivering the results you’d like to see, maybe you’d like some support and motivation. Our last session for 2019 starts in September:

Check Out the Details & Register

I lost count of the number of times I heard my Mum and Grandma say,

“Everything has a place and if you put it there you will get more done.”

Most of the time, I was too busy to pay attention and follow their advice because I could always find what I needed.
Sometimes, I’d get so overwhelmed that I’d realise that the clutter was causing me to procrastinate… and not even do things I really enjoyed. About then I would sort things out, put things where they were most useful and ready-to-hand and suddenly find that my mind was clear and I was ready to take the next step.

The Life-

Changing Magic of Tidying Up

You’ve probably heard of Marie Kondo and “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up”, if not, here’s the Cliff’s Notes version:

Pull everything out of your cupboards, drawers, etc
Throw out everything you don’t need and love (if relevant acknowledge its past contribution to your life)
Put the things you are keeping away where they belong and are easily accessible
Feel instantly lighter and happier

That’s great stuff!

BUT…

She’s missed the key point: when you unclutter your STUFF, you are not only able to get more done, you are MOTIVATED to do it.

AND…

It works for tasks, emotions, responsibilities and many other areas of life as well!

"I just don't feel motivated to do..."

Last Monday, I walked into my office and felt instantly overwhelmed by all the things I had to do. In that moment my motivation plummetted to zero and I was ready to procrastinate… unproductively.

Realising that I was going to waste a lot of time and energy fighting for motivation, I decided to procrastinate productively and spend 30 minutes organising myself so I set a timer.

30 minutes later, my space was ready for action with essential items ordered and close at hand, lots of stuff in the bin and my mind was also ready for action.

That simple task of clearing, organising, removing, and setting aside things from my physical space also cleared my mental space and magically eliminated my overwhelm.

This strategy works best with items that are visible and can actually be completed, or at least completed to a definite degree. Your email inbox is a terrible place to start because no matter how effectively you clear it out, there is always new stuff filling it up.

This is also why it’s best to break your larger projects down into manageable pieces so that you can physically tick off the item.

#TuesdayTips

The Itty-Bitty-Shitty Committee Part 2 - Change Your Mind, Change Your Outcome

My last post talked about how the thoughts that run through your mind can sabotage your best efforts at business building. You may have tried the exercise I suggested, and seen for yourself how the tape you are playing in your head affects the responses you get. Today I’d like to talk about the practical steps you can take to change your thinking patterns.

You may have come across the question, “How do I stop thinking about the elephant in the room?” And of course the answer is, “Think about something different.”

There are two key Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) ideas addressed here:- the first is that your unconscious mind doesn’t process negatives. So when you say, “Don’t think about that!” – whether it’s elephants, or your own lack of certainty regarding your product or service, you’re actually telling yourself to think about that negative thing. Secondly, changing your thinking takes effort.

Your mind (both the conscious and unconscious parts) are rather like a track in the forest. It takes regular use to wear a new path – and at first it takes effort to stop your mind from following the old, destructive path you want to change.

Now, when I say ‘effort’, I really mean you need to make a choice. Are your current thought habits serving your needs, or sabotaging them? If they are sabotaging your goals, then you need to decide what thoughts you’d like to replace them with, and make those positive thoughts and positive messages as powerful and visceral as possible. It’s like using all five senses in our goal setting. Link to Blog #18 The more powerfully you visualise your positive messages and positive outcomes, the more powerfully they will be impressed on your unconscious mind, and the more they will drive your behaviour.

At first your mind will slip into those old, negative, self-sabotaging thoughts. You’ll probably catch yourself indulging, and you might say to yourself, “What’s the problem with just sliding a little further down this track now I’m here.” Don’t! You are in control of your thoughts. Maybe it will happen five times an hour, that you’ll have to pull yourself back from your old habits, and put those motivating pictures in front of yourself, maybe it will be even more often … but do it anyway. Every time you let those negative thoughts control you, you’re wearing the path deeper and deeper. Every time you change your mind, and put positive thoughts in their place you are wearing your new path deeper. With perseverance, the positive thoughts will take over and your sales results will show the difference.

All Reality is Created in The Mind First … Then We Take Action Based on Our Belief

The pictures and narratives we create in our mind are important. If you are plagued with negative self-talk, self-doubts, and questions that are sabotaging your sales pitches then you need to create a vivid internal representation [Link to Blog #26, 27] of the outcome and procedure you want.

You’ll also want to be listening to audio books, music, and other inputs that reinforce the positive message you need to hear. Listen carefully to your favourite songs and programs and ask yourself, “Are these reinforcing positive thoughts, or negative ones?” Once you start consciously thinking about the messages you are filling your mind with, you may be shocked to find how negative they are. Try putting yourself on a mental diet for 30 days:- cut out the News, all negative books, music and TV programming and replace them with positive materials:- read some history, read about heroes and over-comers, Napoleon Hill, Tony Robbins, Stephen Pressfield, listen to upbeat music or classical composers, read uplifting fiction, meditate, take time to visualise your successful outcomes … The point is to become conscious of your mental diet, because if you change what you put into your mind, you’ll change what you get out.

Belief is Not Enough! Change Requires Action.

It’s like any worthwhile change you want to make in your life; you really have to take appropriate action, you can’t just believe it’s going to happen and then do nothing. I know that in just about every room I speak to there are people who are busy creating belief, without taking any action, and when it comes to controlling your mind, it’s amazing the number of people who simply abdicate any responsibility.

We all get caught up in things that we could have done or should have done and it’s much easier to point the finger and blame someone outside ourselves, rather than to say, “Well, actually maybe I could have done X, Y, Z better.” The problem with blaming external issues, is that you never learn anything, nothing ever changes and you get more of the same. So energy flows where attention goes and the more you go over the reasons why something won’t happen, the less likely it is to happen.

The good news is that if your own thoughts are sabotaging your sales results, you have total control of them – so you have total control of the outcome. The more powerfully you visualise your positive messages and positive outcomes, the more powerfully they will be impressed on your unconscious mind, and the more they will drive your behaviour. That’s also why a physical vision board that you see every day is a fantastic tool. It acts as reinforcement for your goals, for your self-talk, and for every other facet of your thinking.

Meta Description: You CAN control what you think about, and taking control of your thoughts can transform the results you get in business and life.

Book your complimentary 30-minute Discovery Session with Chandell.

By popular demand we have turned many of our multi-day workshops into multi-week online courses with a live day to kick them off. Learn more at https://businessgrowth.mykajabi.com/masteryoursales

#TuesdayTips

What’s going on in your mind while you are talking to prospects and clients?

Does it matter?

I don’t know what is going on in your mind while you are talking about your product or service, I do know that it matters! In fact, if you are struggling to sell I would bet that the problem lies in your mind, not in your product.

Ninety per cent of your life is lived unconsciously – and your unconscious mind is talking to you all the time. In most cases, your own voice is the loudest you hear. So what are you saying to yourself, and why does it matter?

Back in my pre-NLP days I wanted success and I was prepared to work hard for it. I wasn’t worried about the amount of action that I was taking because every day I worked three times as hard as the people around me. I knew from the way that I had been brought up and all the belief systems I had that you have to put action in if you want to get results out.

Since I really wanted the results, I put in a lot of effort, yet in the back of my mind, I had this little voice saying, “Well, what if you don’t get it? What if it doesn’t happen? Maybe it won’t.” “What if you’re not good enough?” That voice of self-doubt was very powerful. It said, “Something will stop you from achieving this at the last minute, just as it always does.” and you know … something always did! I’d be right on the edge of closing a deal, and it would fall through. Week after week, month after month, I’d fall short of my goals because I was losing the game inside my head.

Your inner voice does a much better job of sabotaging your efforts to succeed than your worst enemy could ever do – and you put up with it! In the end, it doesn’t matter how many people tell you what a great product or service you offer, and how valuable it is if you don’t believe it yourself.

Imagine that you’re in a sales meeting, and you’re doing a great job with your presentation, but in the back of your mind you’ve got this script running, “Nobody wants to buy my product because it’s not worth anything, so these guys won’t waste their money on it because they’re smart.”

Of course, you’re not saying any of that aloud, but those kinds of thoughts are running through your head all the time while you’re telling your prospect how fantastic you are, and that you can definitely give them the results that they want. It doesn’t matter how hard you try, the tone of your voice, and your physiology will tell the prospect that you don’t believe what you are telling them. If you do a really good job, they might not even be able to put their finger on the reason, but they will still feel a niggling sense of doubt based on your projection.

On the other hand, if you have the picture of successful outcome you obtained for a client in your head, you might mention it in your presentation or you might not, but as you think about the outcome you just got for this guy, and having the certainty that you can reproduce it your presentation will come across in a completely different way.

Your prospect will see that you believe in your product, you believe in the service you are offering, and you believe in the outcome you are projecting! Their response will be dramatically different when you project confidence, from when that questioning voice leads you to project doubt. When you are talking negatively to yourself, there isn’t anything that anybody could say that will cut through the voices in your mind.

Try it for yourself next time you are talking to a friend (because you don’t want to deliberately sabotage a sales presentation). Compare what happens when you fill your mind with thoughts about how what you are doing isn’t going to lead to a good outcome, and then try to convince your friend that it will turn out well, and then try visualising a win and talking about that as the outcome. Successful athletes know that the biggest part of the game is won or lost in the mind – and that is true in other endeavours as well.

Next time, we’ll talk about how to control our own minds … and the power that gives us over our outcomes, and other people’s perceptions.

Meta Description: What goes on inside your head when you talk to people can dramatically alter your sales results. Why does your thinking matter, when no-one can see it?

80% of People Do This Without Realising What They Are Doing

Are You Your Own Worst Enemy?

Awareness is NOT Enough!

BUT… There is a Solution!

This is How it all Starts…

A Quick Self-Evaluation:

When YOU set goals, what happens?

What is Goal Setting?

The Importance of Visualising Your Outcome

The Importance of Visualising Your Outcome

Here's a Quick Exercise...

…why perfection is the enemy of progress.

Changing Magic of Tidying Up

"I just don't feel motivated to do..."

#TuesdayTips

#TuesdayTips

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