“The root cause of all our problems is our unconscious mind, and the beliefs and behaviours that we store there. The real problem here is that they are unconscious so it’s very hard to pinpoint them and change them.”
~ Chandell Labbozzetta
The Root Cause of Your Discontent
“I’ve been passed over again!” Samantha’s voice was shaking with anger and frustration. “It doesn’t matter how good my results are, this *** idiot won’t let me move ahead… she’s just like my last manager!”
Samantha is an effervescent extrovert – she is so bubbly that she scares some people. As a high-performing sales professional, this is great because it doesn’t matter how many rejections she gets, she’s always ready to get up and go again. However, she scares off some prospects and her managers sometimes mistake her enthusiasm for naivety and that was holding back her career. This was the fourth time she had been passed over by a manager because of her vivacity and charm and she was desperate for a solution.
During our coaching sessions she quickly realised that while she was genuinely effervescent, she amped it up unconsciously because, as a child she had always been praised for that characteristic. Once she became aware of that, it didn’t take long before she learned how to read and respond to other people better and find more effective ways of communicating with them appropriately.
Because she was truly interested in finding solutions to people’s problems, she quickly learned how to read her prospects better over the phone or in person and to tone down her effervescence when needed and close more sales. Incidentally, that was the last time she was passed over for a promotion.
The Resourcefulness Within You
“You don’t know what you don’t know,” and until you can see a problem it’s very difficult to find effective solutions.
Samantha honestly never realised that her bubbly personality was a learned response to praise. She didn’t change her personality as much as allow the other side which had always been hidden to shine through. Using some Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) skills for building rapport and strengthening relationships she learned to read other people better and find ways of making them comfortable.
She was excited about the fact that she was able to close nearly twice the number of sales, but she was far more excited by the fact that she was able to build a closer relationship with both her sister and her own son – both of whom were introverts. They’d always got on fairly well, but now they were actually enjoying being together.
Each of us has a unique personality and gifts and we naturally lean more towards people who are similar to ourselves. That’s fine, but it can also be limiting… especially in a business context… UNLESS we deliberately cultivate the skills we need to communicate and work effectively with people who are quite different to us and have their own special contribution to make.
If you find yourself encountering similar situations repeatedly, it’s important to define what is creating them. Often, you have unconscious habits and thought patterns that are triggering other people’s reactions… habits and thought patterns that you have the power to change once you are aware of them. If left untended, these become roadblocks to progress and satisfaction.
Changing Direction and Creating Momentum
I firmly believe that each of us have all the resources we need to make a success of both our business and our personal lives – it’s just that sometimes we get caught up in ways of thinking and behaving that mess us up over and over again.
In a way, we hate to hear this because we like to think that our problems are unique and that’s why we can’t move past them, but if you think about it differently, this reality is quite comforting: – If others have found a tool that helps them change, then I can too. I don’t need to stay ‘stuck’ in my problem!
The root cause of all our problems lies in our unconscious mind, and the beliefs and behaviours that we store there. Since they are unconscious, it’s very hard to pinpoint and change them. When I attended my first Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) training I’d been seeing a psychologist to help with depression for months and going over the same pile of misery every week. Yet, just 7 short days of training completely transformed my outlook, and I’ve seen the same thing happen over and over again in others.
The key is that while Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) doesn’t teach that your past isn’t important, it does teach that you are not bound by your past and it delivers the tools you need to release the chains that are holding you to your old ways. It is almost like magic!
For Samantha, the key was our H.O.W.T.O. Session and some subsequent Time Line Therapy® work which showed her the root cause of her behaviour and then set her free to develop the flexibility of communication she needed to move forward. Other people have found similar freedom by discovering the unconscious beliefs and behaviours that keep them trapped in a business cycle of feast and famine, or in a life of poverty, a career or relationship that is stifling their dreams or some kind of addiction or co-dependency. However, while awareness is foundational for transformation, freeing yourself from the emotional traps you set for yourself and accessing the inner resources you need to move forward are also crucial.
If you’d like help with this book a H.O.W.T.O. Session now. You’ll be amazed at how different you feel when you free yourself from the baggage you’ve been unconsciously accumulating for years!